SPELLINGMISTAKESCOSTLIVES.COM | BLOG

Gordon Brown

2012-01-24T17:36:00.000Z

Galileo's Pardon (NSFW)

2012-01-11T01:47:00.000Z

Based on a true story.

Galileo was found guilty of heresy by the Catholic Church in 1633 for believing the earth orbits the sun. 350 years after his death Pope John Paul II granted him a pardon, freeing him from his gruesome punishments in Hell.

Horrible animation I made with Mark Tolson. Not for the faint hearted.

Esoteric Xmas Gift Guide

2011-12-18T20:19:00.000Z

I wrote this with Mark Tolson for The Skinny magazine in Scotland. Click here for the full article. Topless Mayan Calendar is still available here, although it's too late for xmas deliveries.

Topless Mayan Calendar 2012

2011-11-22T11:54:00.009Z

I've produced a Topless Mayan Calendar to see in the end of the world in December 2012. I'm printing and assembling them myself on paper I've aged for thousands of years in my basement, so for that reason they are £12.20 including postage. More details here, or get yours below.

(UPDATE: Button fixed)

Also I've still got some Christmas cards of my anti-Santa billboard, they're £5 for 15 cards or £10 for 35 cards, includes envelopes. click here for more details.

I Killed a Fairy

2011-11-20T11:00:00.003Z

Army

2011-11-13T12:43:00.005Z

Lino print
ARMY: "Be The Meat"
Series of 10
Signed & numbered.
41cm x 30cm

£30 + P&P

(UPDATE: Button fixed)

Let us forget

2011-11-11T11:44:00.003Z

The poppy isn't really the best symbol to commemorate war. I prefer the Venus Flytrap. It smells faintly of death, devours the innocent and consumes flesh.

Previously:

Army Medals
Army Recruitment - Football
Why Not Join The Fucking Army?
New SAS Logo
From Cradle To Grave: Royal Navy (Video)

Robocop

2011-08-30T00:27:00.005+01:00

Click image for larger version

I'm selling this one as an original drawing. Contact me if you're interested.

Human Fucking (NSFW)

2011-08-15T21:55:00.009+01:00

Click for larger version. [Available as a print / t-shirt]

Here's a drawing I did for my old housemate Karley's zine she's putting together about pornography. Probably not safe for work.
While yr at it check out her blog: Slutever.

The Meat Planet

2011-06-29T15:12:00.011+01:00

Over the last few months I've been editing together this documentary about The Meat Planet with my old pal Mark Tolson. Unfortunately, it is now completely finished and available to view by small children on the Internet.

We have also collated some very important scientific data on The Meat Planet which we have uploaded for your displeasure.

T-shirts are available here and some lovely prints can be gotten here.

God

2011-06-07T22:32:00.005+01:00

Click for a larger version

I did this for the new Is Tropical fanzine out in a month or so. I'll let you know.

Available as a print and a t-shirt.

Spring

2011-05-30T22:06:00.013+01:00

I've been pretty bad this year with updates, but I've got a lot on the boil back here. Hopefully a few things will be ready soon enough and I'll be able to laddle out steaming portions into your computer screen. But until then you'll have to make do with these cold scraps.

On the left is my first commissioned painting! I'd previously done it in a small size (still available) but someone contacted me wanting a 1.5 metre tall version for their living room wall and of course I was more than happy to make that horrible dream come true. If anyone else wants any of my work enlarged like this be sure to email me.

I am severely broke at the moment, hence the pleas for work and coming on here to point you towards the shop full of lovely new prints. You can rest assured that everything you buy will be converted immediately into food and electricity.

Here's another couple of new things I did lately: a depressing little video edit I made of Mr Bean and a short comic strip about pigs:

Kids

2011-04-06T17:15:00.002+01:00

Here's a quick one. Click for larger version.

Soz

2011-03-04T17:06:00.009Z

There has been a bit of a gap in updates lately, soz about that like. I've been working on two pretty labour intensive videos with my mate Tolson; one, an animation about Galileo's time in hell and the other a video featuring the late, great Carl Sagan which is shaping up to be nauseatingly spectacular.

Normal service should be resumed in a few weeks. If you want a heads up when new stuff gets posted you can attach yourself to the facebook, twitter, or sporadic spam newsletter.

Scientology

2011-01-09T02:11:00.007Z

In case you hadn't heard, Xenu is like the Scientology version of Satan. The evil overlord of the Galactic Confederacy who, 75 million years ago, sent billions of aliens to Earth to be killed by blowing them up inside volcanoes. The souls of those dead aliens attached themselves to our ancient ancestors and are the cause of all our problems and fears to this day. Of course, you only get to hear all this once you've reached the top of the Church, but the story has leaked through ex-members and court documents. Here's how it all went down. (Or if you'd prefer, the South Park version.) Don't worry too much about the evil lord Xenu causing any more galactic genocide however, he is currently locked in an ice prison on a far off planet. Maybe we should campaign for his release...

Available as a T-shirt & stuff.

Shiny Shiny Medals

2010-12-22T01:51:00.012Z

Click for a larger version

Available as a poster, t-shirt and tote bag.

I've also updated the Drawings page with a bunch of new stuff.

Previously:

Army Recruitment - Football
Why Not Join The Fucking Army?
New SAS Logo
From Cradle To Grave: Royal Navy (Video)

Xmas Cards & Prints

2010-12-05T23:21:00.016Z

Tis the Season to buy unnecessary consumer items. Well what could be less necessary than a Christmas card? Frighten children and alienate friends with these attractive pieces of bent card featuring my anti-Santa Claus billboard from 2005. Yes, I'm still squeezing the juice from a five year old idea, I desperately need the money for a new brain. For £10 (+P&P) you get 20 cards including envelopes. Size: 10.5 x 14.7cm.

Not only that, but if you're feeling particulary plush why not 'invest' in a signed, limited edition archive quality print of said same billboard, only £50. High quality ink and paper. You can return for a full refund in 30 days if you decide you can't stand the sight of it.

Disneyland® - Where Your Dream Sausage Was First Minced™

2010-12-04T21:53:00.002Z

Click for larger version

Periodic Table

2010-11-21T23:03:00.002Z

Click for a larger version

New T-Shirts

2010-10-31T18:15:00.015Z

I've just got some large print t-shirts in of my 'Keep Fucking Buying' image. They were quite expensive to have done so they're £15 each but the quality of the print is really good.

Sizes are in XS & S (medium sold out). The sizes are a bit bigger than normal tho so if yr a medium you could probably get away with a small (Small: 48.5 x 69.5cm) If it doesn't fit just send it back for a refund.

A few of my t-shirts were also featured on the Vice style blog recently.

You can buy the above Bread t-shirt & some others HERE.

More Santa

2010-09-30T17:36:00.002+01:00

Jeremy Kyle

2010-09-11T14:35:00.009+01:00

Jeremy Kyles's Scumbag Circus (2010)

CHRIST™ Magazine

2010-08-29T15:20:00.024+01:00

While rotating the mess around my room the other day I found a pile of unsold copies of issue 3 of my zine CHRIST™. It's 32 pages of good stuff, with contributions from Modern Toss, Walter Newton and Andrew James Jones amongst others, stuck together with a paste of my own personal guffery. There's only a few left, so I'm making them available on a first come first served basis. ~~Also, the first 6 sold will get a copy of my friend Brendan's great one off zine, Fear & Hate about the aftermath of the 11th of September attacks.~~

I'm also accepting submissions for Issue #4.

Pied Piper

2010-08-13T14:51:00.003+01:00

Moved the Queen one that I did the other week & a few new ones onto the Drawings page.

Recruitment

2010-07-18T03:07:00.012+01:00

Previously:

Why Not Join The Fucking Army?
New SAS Logo
From Cradle To Grave: Royal Navy (Video)

Superman

2010-07-12T03:44:00.003+01:00

Grandparents

2010-06-26T16:07:00.006+01:00

Of course, this doesn't include my personal Gran, who is a shining beacon of tolerance compared to yours.

You can now get updates direct to your news-feed by 'liking' the Facebook page.

Porn Stars Love Each Other Very Much

2010-06-22T21:46:00.009+01:00

Porn Stars Love Each Other Very Much - Acrylic on canvas (2010)

This is available to buy if anybody is interested. I have an idea of how much I'd sell it for but I'm open to offers. There's also a pile of new t-shirts and stuff in the shop. Most of the t-shirts are now £12. I'll be adding more images to it soon.

Here's a few photos of my Violence Week posters up and around town. The first one was left unmolested in my local library for 2 weeks:

That's nice

2010-06-12T01:34:00.003+01:00

New Stuff

2010-06-10T19:56:00.008+01:00

All added to the Drawings page. Not been been able to put much on here lately because my laptop broke. All is good now tho, the hard drive and all its important er, material was unaffected. It was especially annoying because I cut out this newspaper headline and I wanted to put it online so bad a bit of blood came out of my bum.

Some more stuff on its way down the shit pipe, keep your eyes peeled open.

New SAS Logo

2010-05-09T17:44:00.002+01:00

Election Illness

2010-04-25T19:34:00.006+01:00

I've got election fever! I really do and it's actually quite bad. I haven't left the house in days, I'm sweating like knacker and I'm hallucinating on a daily basis that the Lib Dems are top of the polls.
Of course the Liberal Democracts even coming close to upsetting David Cameron's coronation is unthinkable for the right-wing press, especially Rupert Murdoch who is furious that his deal with Cameron, to have the BBC & Ofcom castrated in exchange for his paper's support, is looking increasingly like its made out of sand and piss. That must be disappointing when you've had 20 years of getting your own way. I send my sincerest boo-hoo's. :(

Anyway, here's a little poster I made today while frothing at the mouth & eyeballs. Click it to go to a larger (150dpi) version that's good for printing.
Also check out the Lib Dem Facebook campaign

I Eat God For Breakfast

2010-03-30T18:32:00.004+01:00

--------------------------

And if you hadn't already noticed, Violence Week is upon us. Let people know how you're taking part with the twitter hashtag #violenceweek and be sure to invite your friends to the Facebook event.

Fake Events

2010-02-27T18:29:00.004Z

I've been wanting to advertise a few fake events for quite some time, hammer throwing competitions, book burnings etc. Here's a couple that I've actually got round to doing posters for:

Feel free to print off your own copies of Violence Week and
Child Marathon & add them to your local notice board. (PC: Right click & save. Mac: Cmd+click & Save) Ill put some photos of them up around town in the next few days.

How (2) Drive A Boat

2010-02-22T09:58:00.001Z

This is an old project I did at Art School that I finally got round to finishing years later. It's not what you'd call comprehensive and some parts of it have aged better than others. But whattheheck.

(Flash required)

New Computer Game

2010-02-09T00:00:00.007Z

There's been a bit of a gap in updates lately because I've been playing this new game on my Wii. Can't seem to get past the large intestine.

It's probably the world's first whale-gut based driving simulator. The aim of the game is to drive you and your perpetually screaming girlfriend out of that whale before the air supply runs out and you both die like idiots. The game is totally open ended, so you can choose which way you're going to drive. And there are several power-ups, from divers oxygen tanks for more air to sleeping pills and vodka that you can combine to put an end to your miserable struggle. Get it while stocks last!

From Cradle to Grave

2010-01-12T02:58:00.006Z

The new Royal Navy recruitment drive has been boiling my piss the last few days. Here is the corrected version.

Okay, so the Navy isn't likely to be doing patrols of Helmand or Baghdad and Somalian Pirates won't have saved up enough for a Russian war ship just yet, but I find it galling that they continue sell the armed forces on how exciting it is. Being in a plane crash is exciting. Bayoneting another human being might make your heart beat faster, but war is not a bungee jump on a fucking activity weekend with your mates.

Hell-ections

2010-01-10T00:01:00.002Z

The Greek forefathers of democracy probably never foresaw our modern predicament. An election where the public want everyone to lose.

As if you hadn't already realised: Gordon Brown will be vanquished at the next General Election, hands down. They will have to invent a new term to describe the type of landslide it will be. It will be the Krakatowa of election results. There won't be anything left, just a steaming hole in the ground, burping molten earth, the sky clogged with ash. And emerging from that hole, waving the smoke away with his chubby little hands, grinning with infuriating delight - our new leader. A well-bred, fat cheeked Tony Blair impersonator identical in nearly every way only somehow, more annoying. More punchable.
David Fucking Cameron.

For what it's worth I will be voting Liberal Democrat this time around. They are simply a lighter shade of cunt than the other war-mongering business bummers. And there is at least a chance that they could get 2nd place, which is about as undepressing as this shit pie can turn out.

Happy voting kids!

History Class

2009-11-24T23:46:00.004Z

New Video

2009-11-21T11:36:00.005Z

I've been faffing around with this idea for months, but I finally nailed it the other night.

Horrible Video I Made For Some Reason

2009-11-14T23:04:00.003Z

I started doing this video for Halloween, now it just seems wrong. I wouldn't recommend anybody watch this who is of a sensitive disposition, or anyone else for that matter. I think ideally I'd like to project on a wall, with enormous speakers in a darkened room in a mental hospital.
Merry Christmas everybody!

Now You Can Buy Things to Look At Instead of Just Looking at Them For Free

2009-11-07T18:22:00.014Z

I've finally managed to commercialise my anti-commercialisation of Christmas work. If you haven't been completely cleared out by the economic crisis yet; you can now buy anti-Santa art prints, posters, t-shirts, badges, greeting cards, stickers, mugs and dog clothes at prices Jesus would die for in the SHOP. There's also some non-Santa based items, and I'll be adding more products and images soon.

Also, if you're based in the UK or EU all items come with FREE DELIVERY until the 12pm on the 12th November. (Use the code BONFIRENIGHT)

CLICK HERE TO BE RELIEVED OF YOUR MONEY

Why Not Join The Fucking Army?

2009-11-06T00:25:00.003Z

Nick Griffin: Funny Eyed Guy

2009-10-26T15:24:00.004Z

Here's a short video I did of Nick Griffin's autonomous eyeball. Music from Brass Eye by Chris Morris

50 Cent Quiz

2009-10-13T22:16:00.004+01:00

Feel free to answer in the comments. The correct entry wins a prayer to the god of your choice.

I've also added all the recent drawings to Some Drawings and Text plus one more that I found lying around on the sofa, doing nothing and getting on it's mother's nerves.

Coming soon: things you can buy!

New Drawing

2009-10-07T19:22:00.005+01:00

Gonna be adding T-Shirts & stuff like that to the shop soon. Let me know if you're after anything in particular.

New Drawing

2009-10-01T15:48:00.003+01:00

Thinking about doing this one as a large limited edition print. Contact me if you're interested. More drawings here.

I Smell Dead People

2009-09-21T17:27:00.004+01:00

This is an old one, but what the hell. More new drawings coming soon...

And Now a Look at Tomorrow's Newspapers

2009-09-02T02:24:00.011+01:00

I find myself drawn to the right wing press on an almost weekly basis. You just can't beat them for headlines. Here are a few I dug out recently, all completely real and untouched, apart from the last one. I think I might have snipped off a word at the end for effect. Comic license.

Late last year I also found this barely disguised racist article in the Daily Mail about the growing population of black squirrels in the UK. Referring to them as 'the blacks' it describes how the animals take the women of the Greys and is full of little nods to its predominantly bigoted readership about the blacks taking over and being more aggressive. The web version has since been toned down. Click the image to be taken to a readable version.

In other news, my Join the Fucking Army poster was taken out of the window of the Chichester Joy Gallery on Police request last week after 3 complaints from the public. The Police didn't seem too phased by the irony of the show's theme being sedition. But they never really get things like that, bless their little meaty heads.

Website Re-Jizzed

2009-08-18T03:03:00.000+01:00

After much fuckery I have finally re-arranged this website into something a bit more practical. The blog will now be on the front page, to which your eyes will testify, and I have added a Tumblelog where I will dump the videos/images/links of interest rather than clogging up this with that shite.

(If you've never heard of a Tumblelog before, don't worry Granddad, the tweenagers will soon be coming to take you away to melt you down for your gelatin and cartilage. It's essential that they're kept topped up with cheese strings and football stickers until Global Warming goes critical)

Meanwhile, I have signed up for Twitter, you can see updates on the right hand side of the page. But feel free to follow me or whatever the kids call it. Felch my info hole or something. Go on! Felch it!

Exhibitions!

2009-08-04T16:14:00.003+01:00

The art producing centre of my brain has been in a state of semi-turgid inaction over the last few years. I'd produced a few twatty sketches and filled notebooks full of horrid mind ideas but entering a world of drinking and traveling, also known as the music industry, caused the ruination of any prolonged work schedule. I am now getting back to the grind, and dipping my toes into that lukewarm bath they call the Art Gallery.

First up, a print of my Santa billboard has been on tour as part of the large group exhibition RANK - Picturing the social order 1516-2009. After shows in Leeds and Sunderland, it is currently showing the Grundy Gallery in Blackpool until the 12th of September. My favourite piece has to be Evan Holloway's turd pyramid, well worth a look for that alone.

The other exhibition is called 'Sedition Hushed' and opens on the 11th of August in Chichester at The Joy Gallery (18 Southgate, PO19 1ES). I'll be showing a large print of my Army recruitment poster. The show is in part curated by a large friend of mine, Laurence Elliot, who's work you may recognise from my CHRIST™ magazine. It is based around the theme of sedition and actually takes place in the building William Blake was tried for sedition in 1803 after shouting abuse at a soldier for pissing in his garden.

Below is a selection of Laurence's work to give you a taste. You can also find him on his Myspace Page

Headache of Sanity's Claws, 2006

Cheer in Your Birdcage, 2009

In the Cold Gold Comeuppance, Sin a Song of Acceptance, 2003

Lizzy, 2008
Laurence Elliot

What About Elephants?

2009-07-30T22:48:00.003+01:00

I know its a bit late to be breaking the news that Michael Jackson has FUCKING DIED ALREADY. But it's taken me awhile to get my head around this. First Diana, then 9/11... and as if killing Jade Goody to death with groin cancer wasn't enough, that horrible old man in the sky has to take the Worlds Most Talented Paedophile from our midst, just like that. Its enough to turn anyone atheist out of spite.

"What about Elephants?" Jacko asked us in Earth Song. Which is often mistaken as a rhetorical question. Did he die without ever really knowing the answer? What about them? Well, they are enormous. And the female is pregnant for about two years.

This is a musical tribute me and my friend Richard Holmes made a good few years ago during the weekend long career of our band Rip Your Arse In Two And Listen To This.

DOWNLOAD:
What About Elephants? MP3 [4.1MB]

In case you are incapable of making out the words, I've gone to the trouble of deciphering them for you:

What about elephants?
What about me?
What about all the things
the poor people see?

What about monkeys?
What about bananas?
What about the way
the monkeys eat the bananas?

O-oooooooohhhhhh (x5)

I used to dream
about the elephants and me
they chased me away
I ran and cried inside a hedge

O-oooooooohhhhhh (x2)

What about elephants?
What about me?
What about elephants?
What about me?
etc...

I hope you feel, like I do, that this is an adequate way to honor a dead hero. However many kids he spunked on, he has made some great albums. Gary Glitter hasn't, and that is the moral of the story.

If it so pleases you; you can check out the MySpace page for Rip Your Arse In Two And Listen To This. Richard Holmes also has his own myspace page of far higher quality musical excretions. He is also one half of SquareLips where he makes music videos and that. Check it.

Zombie Update

2009-05-15T15:07:00.000+01:00

These are flesh eating times we live in and the smell of moist brains fill the air. No wonder there's been a lot of zombie talk in the news lately. First I heard was the report of a suspected zombie attack in New Orleans,

"A Metairie resident is recovering after a stranger bit a chunk of flesh out of his arm, and swallowed it, Saturday afternoon."

No surprises there then. This is exactly the kind of thing we'd expect to hear at the beginning of an all out zombie infestation. The alledged zombie walked up to 67 year old Joseph Lancellotti "shouting angrily" and punched him in the head, Lancellotti then tried to fend him off with a garden rake but after being forced to the ground, he said the attacker,"bit my arm, chewed the flesh and swallowed it in front of me."
Nova reports "the bite measured almost 3 by 1 1/2 inches, and was less than 1/4-inch deep."

Three days later I hear Woody Harrelson is claiming on CNN that he 'Mistook a photographer for a zombie' when he attacked him outside a Los Angeles airport.

"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character," Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist.'

"With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie," he said.

At least the port authority seem to be taking the threat of zombie infestation seriously: "We're looking into this allegation and if it's warranted, we'll turn it over to the proper authorities," said Port Authority of New York and New Jersey spokesman Ron Marsico."' [CNN]

Well that's about as much evidence as I need. We'll all be gnawing on each others spinal cords come the end of the month. Good luck everyone.

via BoingBoing & Videogum

My Home Is A Stinking Purse of Wretched Cocks

2009-04-06T19:20:00.000+01:00

I remember one night years ago, staying up till the early hours watching Channel 4, back when late night TV wasn't a nightmare montage of Cash Wall, Puzzle Cube and Quiz Call, and being absolutely blown away by this five minute salvo of sheer weird genius. I found out later, by manically describing it at parties to anyone who would listen, that it was actually by a man called Tim Hope and then a bit later on the internet got invented which meant I could actually look at it again. Hurrah!

And yes, it did later get chopped down into a Playstation 2 advert. But let's just forget all about that shall we?

A Moment With David Lynch

2009-04-01T12:21:00.000+01:00

Everything about this is perfect; the length of the question, the timing, the face...

Brothel Manager - The Game

2009-03-05T20:13:00.000Z

Awhile back me and my good friend Tolson were talking about doing a spoof (shudder) computer games magazine for this site, but it never got beyond a few drunken ideas. The best bit about the whole thing were these screen shots he made up for a game called 'Brothel Manager,' obviously based on the Championship Manager series. Somehow he managed to find 3D polygonal images of prostitutes walking down the street and added his own graphics and text. Im posting them here, cos they're still brilliant & I can't think of anywhere else to put them. [Cmd+Click the images for larger versions]

© Mark Tolson 2005

EMAP Fanzine Awards 2005

2009-03-01T20:57:00.002Z

All the way back in 2005 this here website got nominated for the second year running in the EMAP fanzine awards; some bizarre tax write off in which a publishing giant gave us little chaps on the bottom a nice hearty back slap and an iPod for being such great sports. As I said, I was only nominated two years running, never was there any actual winning being done or any iPod getting either. But they did pay for me and a friend to come down from Glasgow to cavort around Capital City saying 'How do you do?' and buy as many Princess Diana postcards as could be justified on any plausible scale of irony. All in all when I think about it, it was the nicest thing a faceless corporation has ever done to me.

So anyway the 2nd time I came down in 2005 was with Tolson and them magic mushroom things were still perfectly legal. As soon as we arrived we got the tube to Camden & bought as many of the little blighters as we could afford. Scoffing them in the street, we took off round London on one of those open topped tour buses where they tell you all the London facts as you're actually looking at the London things. It didn't take long for the weirdness to begin.

Now I will refrain from attempting to explain the ins and outs of the mushroom experience lest I become an infernal drug bore. But all you need to know is there was alot of laughing, sometimes to the point of hysteria and occasional screaming, a few blasts of which seemed to make all the tourists decide it was better to go downstairs to continue their sightseeing from the misted up windows of the bottom deck. A few instances of note - Tolson begging pedestrians to throw him food & water, telling them he'd been on the tour for weeks as he needed a ticket to get off. And me yelling "Get a real job" at the Queens guards as they stood guarding an entrance to Buckingham Palace.

So anyway, after a days worth of sightseeing we went to the actual award ceremony. Where we drank a ton of free booze, scoffed some food based treats and tried to noise up as many editors of real magazines as possible, including the editor of 'Zoo', who Tolson managed to get his photo with after asking him how the guys down at EMAP HQ managed to come up with such an amazing concept for a magazine.

The last thing I remember was forming a plan to steal the podium and Tolson rolling up his trousers into some make-shift shorts. Later Tolson and Dave Kerr, who's house we were staying in, told me I'd thrown up in a nearby fountain on the way home and then passed out with my head in the water, had to be carried out of a newsagents I was insisting on sitting down in and later got in an argument with Dave's flatmate because I thought I was in my own house and he was some kind of violent intruder. Oh and I woke up bleeding for some reason. All in all a terrific awards ceremony day out. Cheers for that, EMAP!

Previous Updates

2009-03-01T15:44:00.001Z

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